Space for Jane Helen

I have come to reflect how my life is now and how it was back 15 year ago when I reported my abuser to the police and they finally allowed me to go to court with it.

Then I was very much consumed by the abuse and my story, I had opened up about my worst period of my life from 4 years to 29 years old. I didn’t even remember everything at that time, so much have come to my mind again even the last years I been here in Trondheim new memories have come to mind. Most likely because I have come to feel safer here. At the time I opened up I was an open radio talking to all and everyone I met about my abuse story with no filter, dirty details of abuse was told. I remember I got interviewed by news papers, on radio and I was on TV with my rolling pin, lol crazy, but that is how it really was CRAZY. I was in my own bubble. The years of my life from age 2/3 years to 29 I felt been in some sort of concentration camp with several abusers and on the alert not sure who to really trust.

Now I feel less on the alert, but living with CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Disorder), it is still a struggle. I have to renew the restraining order every year still, and get tore apart and the CPTSD is doing its toll around this time of year, I finally got him removed to be in my city, I have had that for 1 year now. Feeling freer and safer. I got it renewed this week, I jumped of joy when I got the news from the policeman on the phone. It really means so much for me to know I am able to live a free life finally, after SO many years. It doesn’t come for free, I had to fight for it. I have managed to get the laws of restraining orders for life given by courts to last forever, but I can not get it the police claim so I have to keep renewing and risk losing it in the end. Bloody unfair, because why in the world should he have a right to meet and ever contact me again???

I am so grateful for my family and friends that have stood by my side through this, thank you SO much ❤ I haven’t been that easy to support when talking about my story and struggles. Sure it must been tiring because it has been tiring for me too. It is what it is. I happened to had that kind of life. I hope for a better rest of my life now 😀