Space for Jane Helen

Dear Bystander And Who Gets To Know…

It might be with fear you sit with knowledge about a criminal offence, but you shall never let yourself be stopped by fear. You have a duty to help the one that has been victimzed by the criminal offence. First and foremost get the victim away from the abuser, then get proffesional help for the victim and make sure the victim don’t get in touch with the abuser again. Also make sure that the victim don’t get back to the crime scene where the abuse have taken place.

Remember trust is hard for me. Maybe you are the first one that get to know. Take yourself time to listen and dare to ask enough questions as long as I am willing to talk about it. Remember I have been exposed for force so you can not go too fast forward with me. Get enough information about all the circumstanses. Treaths, forced situations etc… Things that can put the situation in danger of chaos and catastrophy when you are going to help me away from abuser and crime scene.

Make sure that the abuser get in touch with the right institutions so he don’t abuse anyone else. Keep him/her away from the victim.

Take your time to listen, take your time to care, take your time to show you don’t understand, but show that you are there. Ask as much as you can, what, who, how, why, etc. Hold around the abused and show her/him you care, on their terms of course.

Dare to care. I am an abused that had to shut up, stand up for all the hurt until it overflowed by itself. I wished there had been one caring enough, but now someone else can get the chanse I didn’t get…

Dear Abuser…

Do you feel disturbed now? I hope you are strong enough to read the whole letter I am going to write to you. Hope it awakens you though. First and foremost I ask you to stop doing what you are doing to me, a thief that steals my life. STOP! You have to think! You know what you are doing is wrong, so stop doing what you are doing right away, are you reading now, are you thinking now? Do you understand me? I want to wake you up, make you understand that you are not allowed to think like that about me, don’t touch me like that, doing that to my body! You need help so go get it now! Get away from me and stop torturing me! Set me free from prison!

If you don’t know where to go then talk with your doctor, the police, confide in a friend or someone you trust in. Just seek help! All you have to do is to stop what you are doing, because you can not undo the damage done, but you can change your actions and behaviour!

I don’t forgive you, but I care. Hope you can wake up and care too…

Read the poem:
I am just lying there…
 
I am just lying there…
I’m turning so he
easier gets the clothes off
I refuse to do it myself
his own dirty job
I don’t want him
to do it…
Sometimes the nice
clothes get torn apart
Gifts from family and friends
He is touching me,
but I can’t feel it
because I refuse to feel for it
I don’t want to feel it.
I am just lying there.
When he leaves he says the most
unforgiving bad words
“sorry, I didn’t mean it…”
Why in his head does
he say something like that?
 
It flow from the eyes
the pain unbearable
Do I get to sleep tonight?
Will he come again?
Can I lock the door?
Am I still alive tomorrow?
I am just lying there…
I want to scream
but not a sound comes out
I want to sleep
but the angsiety sits too deep
The fright and pain.

 (Original “Jeg Ligger Der Bare”, of 19.01.2009)
Janne Helen Tømmervåg
22.01.2010
Someone abused by her brother…