I Am Just Lying There…

I am just lying there…
I’m turning so he
easier gets the clothes off
I refuse to do it myself
his own dirty job
I don’t want him
to do it…
Sometimes the nice
clothes get torn apart
Gifts from family and friends
He is touching me,
but I can’t feel it
because I refuse to feel for it
I don’t want to feel it.
I am just lying there.
When he leaves he says the most
unforgiving bad words
“sorry, I didn’t mean it…”
Why in his head does
he say something like that?

It flow from the eyes
the pain unbearable
Do I get to sleep tonight?
Will he come again?
Can I lock the door?
Am I still alive tomorrow?
I am just lying there…
I want to scream
but not a sound comes out
I want to sleep
but the angsiety sits too deep
The fright and pain.

(Original “Jeg Ligger Der Bare”, of 19.01.2009)
Janne Helen Tømmervåg